Trying to Remember

Some of you may or may not know this, but I have been thinking about old memories a lot lately. I feel like so many of my early memories have been lost and it makes me sad to think that I don't remember as many as other people do. So in order to write this post, I spent the better part of the day trying to remember as many of the good ol' memories as I could. The memories that came were not the cuddly kind. Actually, they were upsetting. That's when I realized the good ol' memories aren't that good. In fact, the only memories I can recall with any clarity are in some way associated with pain and the fear of imminent death. I'm not making this up, these are some of my earliest memories.

- Older brother pukes in back seat of station wagon. Trash can lids. More puke. Snow.
- Fracture younger brother's leg. Learn what the word "fracture" means.
- Running down Illinois Ave. in the dark. Convinced headlights drawing near are oncoming drive by.
- Discover Canadian flag flying in grove behind house. Hostile Canadian takeover only a matter of time.
- Enjoy delicious bowl of flavorful clown-shaped cereal. Green poop. Very green. Death only a matter of time.
- Tiny the pet turtle. Mother gives bad news. Mother carries cooked Tiny past doorway towards the toilet.
- Family reunion in Ohio. Middle of the night. Small blue tent. Dog barking outside. Need to pee. Dog wants blood. Not worth certain death. Writhing in agony for hours. Dog still barking. Desperation. Unzip tent two inches. Pee frantically in defensive sweeping pattern to ward off beast that might be just outside.
- Pool table in Grandfather's house. Ball flies through sliding door. Door shatters. Death only a matter of time.
- Older brother makes toothbrush for younger brother. Suds. Moment of clarity. This is poison. Older brother wants younger brother dead. Younger brother's life flashes before his eyes. Flash very short. Interrupted by screams and the sound of spanking. Younger brother decides shampoo not so bad after all.

There are plenty of really good memories as well. I think the things I remember the most are the little things. I remember getting together with the extended family for pool parties and holidays. I remember all of us cramming into the small den to watch a movie with popcorn and peanut clusters. I remember swimming lessons, camping trips, walking home from school, frozen chocolate milk, "don't sit down at all", baseball, the library, road shows, dad coming home from work, something having to do with me dressed as a rabbit and Bryce as the magician, Nert's, matching buzz cuts, and Norwegian pancakes. I love the simple things. That's what I remember. I have to say, after writing all of this, I feel better about my memories. Maybe they are all still in tact, I just have to sit down and try to list them. Love you all. I'm going to go run around in nothing but an enormous t-shirt and some shammy underwear.